While many local residents know of Big Ugly Creek in Lincoln County, very few are familiar with Bill of Big Ugly Creek. Although Bill is known as Beautiful Bill in most circles, some refer to him as Big Ugly Bill.

In recent weeks, national media has splashed attention upon the one and only Beautiful Bill of Big Ugly with headline-grabbing attention. One media outlet reported that a United States Senator declared the one Beautiful Bill to be “One Big Ugly Bill.”

Breeze reporter Ron Allen journeyed to Big Ugly Creek on July 6 to learn Bill’s reaction to recent headlines.

Question: How have you, the one Beautiful Bill, been affected by national headlines?

Answer: Don’t like it. I am Beautiful Bill. I do not like being called Big Beautiful Bill. My Uncle Moe is big. He weighs 375 pounds. I weigh half of that. I wish that U.S. Senator would get things straight. I am Beautiful Bill of Big Ugly. I am beautiful. I do not like being called Big Ugly Bill.
I would be okay with him calling me Big Ugly Bill the Beautiful but that is not what he said. He flat out called me one Big Ugly Bill and I don’t like it.

Question: Would you object if the senator were to address you as Beautiful Big Ugly Bill?

Answer: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If the senator were to behold me, I am certain that he would call me Beautiful Bill. The senator can’t do that because he has never come to Big Ugly Creek to see me. Big Ugly Creek is my home. It would be fitting for him to come to Big Ugly and call me Beautiful Big Ugly Bill because he could see for himself. I would not like it if he were to call me Big Beautiful Bill because I am not big. I only weigh half of what Uncle Moe weighs.

Question: Aren’t you arguing semantics?

Answer: Semantics! Schematics! She mat it! It don’t matter. He said what he said!

End of Interview.